The Help Kelyon Thread because he needs his own thread.

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Kelyon

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This is rather hard for me to type right now being i can barely see my screen. As some know i am gay. I have talked with my parents and siblings about this before and they seemed ok with it. Then my mother decided to ask some more questions. She would not stop drilling me about how my life would be. To shut her up i told her it was just a phase and just supressed them i guess.

I know i lied to her but that was to just shut her up really. I keep getting, "You will be alone" "Its a hard life". She is saying it like i have a choice in this matter. I have spent days and days just sitting in my room wanting to be straight.

Onto this weekend, i was meeting someone who i have meet once or twice prior, i had him meet me at my on campus apartment up at my school. I was heading up there anyway to snowbaord with some friends. I left yesterday and he got here around 10pm. Well, my mom is texting me constantly and calling. See before i had left i have two therapy appointments. I left before she got home, i even asked her if it was ok with her. Anyway, she just kept calling so i answered it finally. She just really wanted to know about what i discussed with the doctors and such. Then i told her i was fine being alone, and that i love her. She CONTINUES to message me, so i have to reassure her im fine. Then this happens.

Mom: What are you doing, dare i ask?
Me: nothing, love you
Mom: Are you in a relationship with someone up there?
Me: Sorta
Mom: Male or Female
Me: Male
Mom: I don't know if i can handle this.

We then talked on the phone and such, nothing important, she was chain smoking menthol cigarettes so i know she was not good. I guess i got some form of closure from that and she seemed ok, said we would talk in the morning.

Then comes morning and she calls me. We talk a little, then she goes on saying how i am not thinking this threw.

Now, before when i said i talked it over with my family, in my discussion with my father he said i just need to figure it out and get out and experiment.Which is what i am doing.

back to phone conversation with mother. We get into a fight and she starts bitching about how i made this choice. So we kinda yell, mostly her i tend to keep my cool because yelling solves nothing. Now, before i went on winter session break i was put on new medication for depression and anxiety and my parents did not want me to get a job just so i could get better. So after we hung up i have another fun filled text message battle with her. Also, before we hung up she said that she is not calling me and that if i wanted to talk i can call her, she has nothing to say to me.

Mom: Don't forget to pay your rent. Since your up there look for a job.
(Okay, right there, if i was with a girl she would not have said SHIT!"
Me: I will pay the rent. Just to let you know, being angry and upset at me is not going to help the situation, you are just pushing me further away.
Mom: Whatever (Awesome and mature response to your son)
Me: Look Jody, i am happy, happiest i have been in a long time and im not alone, that is what is fucking important to me, And as a parent you should be happy that i am happy.
Mom: Nice Talk (wow another zinger, i got pissed)
Me: Nice parenting.

That is where my mom stopped talking. Now, i have tried to contact my sister and my father, have not recieved a reply from either so i have just been reaching out to my friends and Justin (boyfriend) for help. My friend adam is even letting me stay at his place because i don't feel comfortable going home.

My mom wanted to set up and appointment with her and my therapist to talk about it. Thing of it is, my therapist knew what i was coming up here for this weekend and she even let me go early from the session so i could get on the road.

Now, i had my best friend Adam, same one who is giving me a place to live talked with my mother, him and i are like brothers. And he is a son to my mother. This is what she told him

"If he can make this decision, he can support himself"
"I don't care if he stays up there the rest of winter break"

I am 18, yes i can be kicked out, but i have NO way to support myself. If she did this i have no income nor place to stay minus squatting at my friends house. I just do not know what to do. I only have my boyfriend and Adam to talk with. I just needed to rant i guess

Sorry for spelling and grammar, it was not on the top of my list.
 
I'm not going to try and even say I know what you are going through, because I honestly don't. What I do know though, is ultimately all mothers love their sons. I am not sure how long it has been since you came out to her, but sometimes it takes others more time than you think to understand. Hell, my parents cursed me out for the major I picked in college lol I know you are fine with who you are, but sometimes a parent can take things even more personal than you do. You have to remember, being gay or knowing someone who is gay wasn't heard of when our parents were our age.

Hopefully everything works out for you in the end. I hope your mom comes around in the end.
 
Kel. You are who you are. Yea, wanting to be something you're not must suck, I'm sorry i can't empathize but I can sympathize. As long as you are happy, that's all that really matters. I know that sounds like a cop out, you aren't happy. You obviously care what you're family thinks. I've learned this after years of feeling like shit, screw your families bias. If you're happy, fuck them. If they can't be happy for you, then they're fucking selfish. If all they care about is you having a "family" then that is completely unfair to you. Not the same in any respect, but I told my mom about a year ago "I don't want children, I don't like children" and she burst into tears. Did I care? Call me a cold hearted bitch, no I didn't. It's my life. Who's living it? Me. If I have a child or two because I change my mind, then sobeit but I refuse to be bullied into a lifestyle I don't want because my family and friends predestined it for me. Just be happy.
 
How long ago did you tell her that you're gay? People handle it differently. First period is you accepting it and admitting it to yourself. Second step is telling your family. You're already through with handling it yourself, and it now comes as news to your family, which means they need to handle it as well.

Also, are you only son in your family, or do you have any brothers? You said your friend Adam is like a son to her, so I'm gonna go ahead and say no. I'm also guessing you're the oldest.

Without having the answers to those questions, I can't really decide on her reaction. Most important is a time frame =/ In either case, I'm gonna go ahead and guess that its not only an issue of you being gay. Its an issue of you being independent as well. All parents hate realizing that one day their children will explore the world alone. All parents also want their children to have children of their own.

When you told her "Nice parenting", it probably hit her way below the belt. It really told her how you view the situation, and made her realize that you're partly right. Which made her sad, as she, like most other mothers, want to be the best parent possible, and stand behind their children in everything they do. Naturally she have a mixed feeling of worry over you being alone in a relationship with another man, having to accept you being gay, angry over your fight, etc.

Personally, if I were in your situation, I wouldn't be worried over her kicking you out. Those things she said are typical "I'm just upset" things to say. You really should go home and talk about it face to face with your mother, without losing your cool, even if she screams at you. Accepting your son is gay can be just as hard, or even harder, than accepting yourself as gay.

edit: naturally not go home right now. Stay the weekend you planned. If nothing else, she'll call you up tomorrow likely.
 
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Update.

Talked with my father. My mother decided to cut some things that she said to me and Adam out, like kicking me out of the house. When i told him he reassured me that i will be fine.
Dad: Do you really think i would let that happen?"

Thanks for the responses i appreciate them all.
 
Uzor said:
How long ago did you tell her that you're gay? People handle it differently. First period is you accepting it and admitting it to yourself. Second step is telling your family. You're already through with handling it yourself, and it now comes as news to your family, which means they need to handle it as well.

Also, are you only son in your family, or do you have any brothers? You said your friend Adam is like a son to her, so I'm gonna go ahead and say no. I'm also guessing you're the oldest.

Without having the answers to those questions, I can't really decide on her reaction. Most important is a time frame =/ In either case, I'm gonna go ahead and guess that its not only an issue of you being gay. Its an issue of you being independent as well. All parents hate realizing that one day their children will explore the world alone. All parents also want their children to have children of their own.

When you told her "Nice parenting", it probably hit her way below the belt. It really told her how you view the situation, and made her realize that you're partly right. Which made her sad, as she, like most other mothers, want to be the best parent possible, and stand behind their children in everything they do. Naturally she have a mixed feeling of worry over you being alone in a relationship with another man, having to accept you being gay, angry over your fight, etc.

Personally, if I were in your situation, I wouldn't be worried over her kicking you out. Those things she said are typical "I'm just upset" things to say. You really should go home and talk about it face to face with your mother, without losing your cool, even if she screams at you. Accepting your son is gay can be just as hard, or even harder, than accepting yourself as gay.

edit: naturally not go home right now. Stay the weekend you planned. If nothing else, she'll call you up tomorrow likely.
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When we first talked about it, it was about 2 months ago.

I am the only son with two other sisters, i am the youngest.
 
I never said standing up for what she wants =/ I said stand behind their children and support so, be it being gay, or choosing a degree in car mechanics rather than becoming a lawyer.
 
Sorry, I have a lot of homosexual friends, female and male. It upsets me how most parents act, like they have a choice, like it's the wrong choice. You think they would be happy that their child is happy, regardless.
 
ok, and how long did it take for you to realize you were gay, and accepting that?

I'm sure a great deal of guys in their 40's still haven't admit they're gay and living in a relationship and sexual life they're not comfortable with, while others are sure they're gay even before puberty. So it can vary greatly :P

And yeah, Mirewen. I have homosexual friends, and a friend who's taking hormones to "transform" from woman to a man. I'm sure my parents wouldn't mind if I'd suddenly tell them I'm gay. They'd likely go "Great. Anyone guy you have your eyes set on?".
 
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Mirewen said:
Sorry, I have a lot of homosexual friends, female and male. It upsets me how most parents act, like they have a choice, like it's the wrong choice. You think they would be happy that their child is happy, regardless.
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I commented on the happiness with her. I told her that i was happy, and that she should be happy for me. She just replyed with whatever again.
 
Kind of off the real topic, but I must say ... your dad is taking it surprisingly well. Most times if I hear a story like yours, it is the father that is the one refusing to acknowledge it. The whole carrying on of the family name is big with most fathers, but I am glad he is backing you up and standing behind your decision.
 
Uzor said:
ok, and how long did it take for you to realize you were gay, and accepting that?

I'm sure a great deal of guys in their 40's stillhaven't admit they're gay and living in a relationship and sexual life they're not comfortable with, while others are sure they're gay even before puberty. So it can vary greatly :P
Click to expand...

I have been wondering for about 3 years i'd say. Just accepted it about 4 months ago.
 
Lanien said:
Kind of off the real topic, but I must say ... your dad is taking it surprisingly well. Most times if I hear a story like yours, it is the father that is the one refusing to acknowledge it. The whole carrying on of the family name is big with most fathers, but I am glad he is backing you up and standing behind your decision.
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My dad understands, he has some gay friends within the AA program that he is heavily involved in. He even told me he would always love me no matter what.
 
Kelyon said:
I have been wondering for about 3 years i'd say. Just accepted it about 4 months ago.
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See :P I wouldn't worry too much. First step is accepting it yourself. You have to remember that when you tell your family, you've already accepted it, and it comes as news to them. At this point they have to go through a similar process that you went through, and accept it themselves. This, too, can take a long time. But it varies greatly from person to person, like most other things in life. Just give her some time to let her accept it. She doesn't love you any less just because you're gay.
 
Thank the good lord my mother shuns technology and doesn't know how to text message...

Regardless, have you ever been with a chick before Kel? I used to work with a guy who never slept with anyone, and only blew some dude once, and he thought he was gay. But until you've had pu$$y, how can you know for certain? Thats cool if you wanna be gay, all i'm saying, is take tasters challenge.

But, if you're 100% on being the gay, maybe try to find yourself a tranny, that way, both you and mamma Kelyon can be happy. Pass it off as female to mom, all the while the parts you care about are neatly tucked away for later, win win.
 
Unfortunately, all mothers are different, and she could go either way with this one. To get her through this you'll have to be patient with her and understand that she is going through a phase just like you were. Telling her she is bad at parenting is a huge blow to her and doesn't help. At all. Calling her by her first name is a big sign of disrespect as well. If you continue to take cheap insults at her that are really not worth it in the long run, then she is going to think that homosexuality comes with that attitude, and it will be much harder for her to accept you. Just find the little things in life that will help you cope (a boyfriend is a great thing, something you have), and try to talk with her in a civil and mature manner, even when she starts pulling immature stunts.

Your dad seems to be cool with it, what about him? Get him to help you talk to your mother along with your friend Adam together, not separately. Just sit her down and you three just try to make your case. Even if she is mad at you she will still listen to her husband at the very least.

Just remember to not give up hope, you sexy beast. :spiteful:
 
First question:
I dated a girl for 5 years, had sex once. broke up the next day

As for the First name thing, i have called her that since i was 13. When i was younger i would call out for her and EVERY mother would turn, so i just call her Jody.
 
Mirewen said:
Sorry, I have a lot of homosexual friends, female and male. It upsets me how most parents act, like they have a choice, like it's the wrong choice. You think they would be happy that their child is happy, regardless.
Click to expand...

some people just wont accept it, even if it's they're own flesh and blood, and thats sad... a parent should love they're child regardless of how they are, whether they are bi, gay, trans, straight, whatever...the sad truth is that some parents dont love they're children unconditionally.
 
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