Why ask why?

Zyndara

Zyndara

Sane drop in crazy lake
Adventurer
Joined
Nov 7, 2005
Messages
1,726
Location
Syracuse, NY
Main Job
Bard-Female
Secondary Job
WhiteMage-Female
Third Job
Paladin-Female
FFXIV
Zyn
Hey all. This is my first flame, and I just needed to get this off my chest. I had just finished an exp party in Quifim on my BRD and had disbanded. It was late and I was getting ready to call it a night. My seek tag wasn't up and I was taking a moment to finish healing mp before I made the trek back to Jeuno when I get a tell: "{Party} ok?" Having played WHM I'm used to getting random "Hey wanna party" tells all the time...tag up or not...but what irks me is when I answered, "No, thanks," I got the response "Why?" ....What do you mean why? Since when is anyone owed an explanation for "No thanks," in response to a request to party? If this had happened to me just once, I probably would have just brushed it off as rude behavior, but this has happened to me on a few different occasions on a few different jobs. I'm wondering, is this a trend? Has anyone else been coming across this type of garbage? I've had a couple people get downright pissy in response to a polite decline and I just don't get it. Why ask why? It's not like I'm going to say, "Hey on second thought, you know, I'd love to party with you." My tag wasn't up for a reason. :irked:
 
hehe, i know this sounds silly but if you would have simply asked why do you ask why to him, and not us, you would've probably gotten on of the following answers

1.) If you were doing something in-game, he might have had been bored and decided to help you.

2.) He might have been "hurt" and wanted to see if it was possible he could re-schedule w/e you were doing later on, with accompanied interest.

3.) He wasn't realizing what he had said, because it was late, as you stated.

4.) He would apologize for interrupting your activities and realize how rude and intervening that was on your part, and learn from his mistake.

5.) Tell you an excuse not to go/do the activity you used as an excuse to not go to the party. (sorry, i'm not the best writer)

not that you were wrong to be pissed, just saying that you should've asked him, not us

but nice post :)
 
Zyndara said:
Hey all. This is my first flame...
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Welcome to the QCDN Flameboard! Many Flameboard posts start this way, the poster then go on to become resident flamers. ;)

Anyway, those who ask 'why' tend to take rejection personal. Their view of the world is that it rotates around them, and they can not possibly imagine why anyone would not want to party with them, regardless of what other plans the player they asked to party had.
 
Well, putting myself in that...guy's shoes, I'd guess he needed someone badly.

Party downtime cause you can't find a healer and/or a refresher can be a serious pain. I mean...there's worse things this guy could have said.

I've gotten obnoxious blind invites too, and at very bad hours. I remember snapping at one before. D:

"Party?"

Me: ....

"What?"

Me: WHERE THE F*** WERE YOU YESTERDAY WHEN I WAS SEEKING 5 HOURS STRAIGHT?!

...Yeah. I could've handled that better.
 
I can't think of a time I was ever asked why, but usually I offer the explanation ahead of time, so it would be unlikely anyhow.

>>[Party]?
<< [Thanks for the offer, I'll have to pass][Mission]
 
I have asked "why?" before when someone told me no party.

If they give a reason I can't do anything about, then I simply /bow.

If it's a mision I've done before or a piece of gear they want and I have... I'll lend em a hand and help em finsih up.

I got this idea from Villarel. A long time ago, right after I got 51, he gave me an Ice staff for joining his xp party. I was thankful, and still have the same staff today, 20 levels and 2 years later.

He offered to help me out in a pinch to change my mind, and I let him. Fair trade off. I'm sure if you had just said <I'm Sleepy> then he would have left you alone.
 
you know what sucks.... seekn for 5 hours one day then next day no flag up farmn, campn NMs, mission ect.... 2 invites when i dont have time.
 
Hey Zyn, I've had the same thing happen once, but worse. Can't remember the person's name, but the convo went like this:

Them: {Party}?

Me: No Thanks.

Them: Why?

Me: Because I'm busy, sorry.

Them: Well, that's a problem.

Me: Yes, one you'll just have to get over.

Them: Yes I will.


And that was it. But it was like WTF? How is the plans of a complete stranger a problem for you? Talk about selfish.
 
I'm sure if you had just said <I'm Sleepy> then he would have left you alone.
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I hadn't thought to look at it that way. I think my thoughts tend to the "glass half-empty" end of the spectrum the later it gets...particularly after a frustrating event. And you're probably right. I think I was just kind of miffed by it. I wouldn't have been so caught off guard by a friend or someone I'm familiar with asking me that. It just seemed kind of presumptuous for a stranger to be so bold. Maybe it's just me.
 
Eh. Yeah. I've gotten that alot. -_-;

Party>> Hey, Wanna party?
Me>> Nah. Thank you though.
Party>> But, You're a Dragoon...
Me>> .....
 
It's only happened to me once where someone got rude.

Them>> Party?
Me>> Thanks for the offer, but I'll have to pass. I'm sorry. I'm busy now.
Them>> What are you doing?
Me>> Zilart Mission
Them>> That's not important. You need to be out here exping with us.
Me>> I'm sorry. I already had this planned or I would.
Them>> So you're going to turn down a party invite that needs you and go to a mission that could replace you easily?
Me>> . . . No comment. Again, I'm sorry but I'm busy. I wish you luck.
Them>> Fuck you. I'm blisting you. You're the worst WHM I've ever seen.

I can't remember their name but that was as good to the words as I could remember.
 
I have a question. Why did you even get pissed? Sounds self centered to me to get pissed at people asking you a question. Grow up and get out of the house once in a while and maybe "Why" won't piss you off.
 
I actually agree with the OP, somewhat...I don't so much mind when people ask why when I say I can't tele, or can't join an exp party, or PL, but it does get to be a HUGE pain in the butt when they deem your reason "not good enough". But then I can just say I don't help buttholes who undermine my reasons, and suddenly my reason seems perfectly valid.
 
Haha, welcome to Bard my friend, wanna party? :crazy: :crazy:
(This has happened to me a few times, yeah it does piss you off, but a simple use of profanity does the trick for me).
 
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