In an effort to avoid wasting time, I Found a form
Dear:
(choose one)
_Clueless Newbie
XLoser
_Dork
_Pervert
_Spammer
_Freak
_Religious Fruitcake
_Unbearably self-righteous person
_Feces Gobbler
_Mental Institution Escapee
XTricycle Seat Sniffer
_Syphilitic Cro-magnon
You are being flamed because:
(check all that apply)
_You posted the "gry" question
XYou posted a lame _____ sucks message
XYou continued a long, stupid thread
_You started a redundant thread
_You posted the "driveway/parkway" question
_You posted anything from a Gallagher routine
_You act like you're 5 and then call everyone 'ageist' for thinking you suck
_You posted a "YOU ALL SUCK" message
_You said "me too" to something
_You don't know which board to post in.
_You are the nine thousandth person to pretend to ask for evidence of evolution. Please refer back to the other four hundred topics on the subject for the answer.
_You're an unattractive middle-aged man and your homepage has pictures of you in your underwear
XYou brag about things that never happened or have no meaning
_Your signature/alias sucks
_You posted a sex ad
XYou are an ignorant, racist piece of trailer trash
_You posted a "make money quick/easy" ad
_You posted something totally uninteresting
_You posted something totally offensive
_You posted a message all written in CAPS
_I don't like your tone of voice
_I think you might be a fed
XYour brain is logic retardant
_You tried to power-suck a moderator's nipples
Your post was:
(check all that apply)
_lame
_stupid
Xapparently not in English
Xlonger than any worthwhile thought of which you are capable
_shockingly lucid and coherent, considering it was dictated to you by your dog.
Xapparently assembled by monkeys
_in violation of the terms of your parole.
Xa vast well into which I poured several minutes of my precious life, only to be rewarded with a vague sense of having been cheated.
_obviously pieced together using a random word generator
_more tedious than a Phaedrus manifesto
Xthe literary equivalent of sticking a Dave's Insanity Sauce covered clothes hangar up my nasal cavity and fishing for my cortex
_apparently very poorly translated from the original Sanskrit
_an inspiration to degenerate inbred rednecks everywhere
Your post reminded me of:
(check all that apply)
Xthe efforts of a very finite number of monkeys typing on 6 typewriters for 5 minutes
_some bad acid I took in the 60s
Xthe time I vomited alphabet soup
_the stitching on JDT's foreskin
Xlife before speel check
_applying hemmoroid cream to my cat's anus
_things I spent years in therapy trying to forget
_an anthropology experiment gone horribly, horribly wrong
_rec.hobbies.acting-like-a-moron
_a stream-of-consciousness novel written by a chimpanzee
Xthe reason stamping out ignorance takes so long
_My first hangover
_My cat running across my keyboard
My attention was drawn to the fact that:
(check all that apply)
_Your question or comment has been posted before
_Your question or comment has been posted earlier THIS FRIGGIN WEEK
XThe process of placing one word after another until a coherent thought has been formed has obviously eluded you
_Your answer was readily available at your nearest dictionary.
_You posted a blatantly obvious troll
_You responded to a blatantly obvious troll
_You used the word "proactive" or "paradigm"
_You posted to a long-dead thread
_You posted an incorrect answer to a long-dead thread.
_You posted an answer before reading the rest of the thread.
_It was barely funny in English
_No, you didn't understand it in Latin without translating it to English
XYour post contained numerous spelling or grammatical errors which did not appear to be typos
_Your "post", contained: "excessive" punctuations!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
_It is obvious to all that your are really concrete
_The colors or fonts you used were distressing and could cause seizures
_Your joke was much funnier when my great-grandfather told it to my grandfather
_You asked for replies via email because you don't read this board.
_Gallagher is dead, or should be.
_Humorous, interesting flaming is an art, & you ain't Art
_You seem to think the world revolves around the foreskin
_There doesn't seem to be an E key on your keyboard
XYou do not have the reading comprehension skills that God gave the common gerbil.
XYou obviously do not have opposable thumbs
Furthermore:
(check all that apply)
_You forgot to use the word "ass" in your post.
_You may have greatly misunderstood the purpose of this forum
XYou are too stupid to live, yet somehow you operate a computer
XThis has been pointed out to you before.
_You should take your grammar checker out of Frisian mode.
Xit seems unlikely that you will ever successfully breed, for which we are all thankful
Xyour single-minded zealotry has forced me to reconsider my opposition to post-natal abortion
_don't type again until after you remove the webbing from between your fingers
As punishment:
(check all that apply)
_You must give up your internet account
_You must bust up your modem with a hammer and eat it
_You must jump into a bathtub while holding your monitor
XYou must apologize to everybody on this board
_You must consume excrement.
XYou must buy a shoehorn, and pry your head out of your ass.
_You will be exiled to alt.knitting .
_Your keyboard is being repossessed
_You must buy every New Kids On The Block album. In public. Including the Christmas one.
_You must hold your breath for two whole days.
_You must buy a copy of DICKANETICS and tell the SDMB how it has changed your life. .
_You must memorize the words to, and perform publicly, '. . . Baby One More Time'
_You must memorize and recite the entire Guy Stuff thread
_You must eat Jack Dean Tyler's Tug-Ahoy(TM)
In closing, I'd like to say:
(check all that apply)
_Get a life
_I pity you
_Go to hell
XI think your IQ must be 7
_Take your smut somewhere else
_Isn't it time for your little *visit to the country*?
_Do us all a favor and jump into some industrial toxic waste
_See how far your tongue will fit into the electric outlet
_that maybe your writing talents are better suited to pissing in the snow
_'I'm sorry' to whoever bred to produce you
XYou suck. Was that monosyllabic enough?
Sincerely,
Trippyhippy
