F my life

[Xalioniaf]

yikes.. not so coolbeans

I like this one..

Today, I was sitting beside this cute guy on a bench. Suddenly, he goes, "I know we don't know each other very well, but would you like to have dinner on Saturday?" I turn to him with a goofy smile, and exclaim "I'D LOVE TO!" He gives me a weird look, turns his head and points to his Bluetooth. FML

Exactly why I hate these headsets. Too hard to tell if they're talking to you or not, especially now that they make them so damn tiny. Might as well make them implants.

 

[Lestat]

He's so going to hate me, but this one reminds me of Genk...



:/

That one's sad =[

 

[Khajit]

I learned about it from BG. I think these two are the more O.0 ones.


Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. When he was about to orgasm, he screamed "Yes Brittany!" at the top of his lungs. My name's not Brittany. That's his sister. FML


Today, I discovered that my 15 year old girl had hidden a disgusting porn film in the "future career" folder. FML

 

[Genkaku]

He's so going to hate me, but this one reminds me of Genk...



:/

My mom loved that dog..

 

[Mirewen]

Mmhmm.

 

[Tyrath]

Ok some of these are obviously fake;

I'd bet 95% of them are fake. But they are still hilarious.

 

[Morcheeba]

I'd bet 95% of them are fake. But they are still hilarious.

Indeed!

The Bluetooth one reminded me of the countless times someone would be walking to wards me and wave. It looked as though they were looking right at me so I'd wave back somewhat reluctantly not recognizing the person. THEN their gaze actually turns to me, they look at me sideways and go up to the person they were actually waving at.

... that has happened a few times.. and I KNOW I'm not alone lol.

 

[diamond]

Thank you for this site.. i have sucessfully killed 4 hrs of my morning reading this stuff... lol

 

[Tyrath]

Today, I was masturbating into a sock when I felt something on my cock. I quickly ripped the sock off and threw it on the floor... and watched a huge spider come scurrying out. I just inadvertently fucked a spider. FML


/cringe

 

[Morcheeba]

Today, I was masturbating into a sock when I felt something on my cock. I quickly ripped the sock off and threw it on the floor... and watched a huge spider come scurrying out. I just inadvertently fucked a spider. FML


/cringe

HAHAHAHAHAH

boys are gross!

 

[Mirewen]

HAHAHAHAHAH

boys are gross!

Seconded. A sock? ...

 

[Genkaku]

Seconded. A sock? ...

Age old chinese secret.

 

[Grandphoenix]

Today, after class I was chatting with my teacher, a really cool and stylish old black guy. I tell him he reminds me of one of those soul dudes from those 70s movies, right down to the pimp-walk. He tells me he walks that way because he was beaten for drinking out of the wrong fountain as a kid. FML

 

[kicamo]

Today, my mom told my boyfriend all about how she had to be a parent volunteer when I was in kindergarten. Apparently I used to masturbate in class by rubbing myself against the edges of chairs and tables. The teacher thought it would be best if my mom was there to make me stop. FML

i used to go to school with a chick that did that.

 

[Dancingweapon]

Indeed!

The Bluetooth one reminded me of the countless times someone would be walking to wards me and wave. It looked as though they were looking right at me so I'd wave back somewhat reluctantly not recognizing the person. THEN their gaze actually turns to me, they look at me sideways and go up to the person they were actually waving at.

... that has happened a few times.. and I KNOW I'm not alone lol.

Omg Cheebs, this has happened countless times. You know whats worse tho when I was shopping someone yelled "Mitchell get back here" I turned round and walked up to the person and they were like "I was talking to my son Mitchell not you!" I felt like a twat and walked out the shop.

Or when you call out someones name thinking it's them, they then turn around and end up being a complete stranger!

 

[Morwen]

Today, I went to chill with my best guy friend and his girlfriend, whom I recently met after I moved to the area. After a few beers, my buddy leaned over and tried to make out with me. I quickly backed up and shockingly looked over at his girlfriend to expect the same reaction. She winked. FML

Heh...

 

[Morcheeba]

Omg Cheebs, this has happened countless times. You know whats worse tho when I was shopping someone yelled "Mitchell get back here" I turned round and walked up to the person and they were like "I was talking to my son Mitchell not you!" I felt like a twat and walked out the shop.

Or when you call out someones name thinking it's them, they then turn around and end up being a complete stranger!

lmao I've done that quite a few times and follow it up with a wave before realizing what a tard I am.

 

[Lestat]

Today, I was masturbating into a sock when I felt something on my cock. I quickly ripped the sock off and threw it on the floor... and watched a huge spider come scurrying out. I just inadvertently fucked a spider. FML


/cringe

lmao...

 

[Ravic]

Today, I was talking to my mom. During the conversation she randomly asked me "does he take his leg off when you guys are having sex?" Referring to the guy I've been seeing who has a prosthetic leg. My dad then asked "does he beat you with it too if you've been naughty?" FML

Today, I went to get a condom because my boyfriend and I were going to have sex for the first time. When I opened the drawer, I saw that every single condom had a Jesus pin stabbed through it, and a note on top of the box: "love mom." FML

Obvious solution to this, is to leave a (preferably faked) positive pregnancy test in mom's drawer with one of those pins.

 

[Nyett]

Seconded. A sock? ...

Age old chinese secret.

/Giggles a little. Sock is great, but now I call my sock wife.