Raising Kids...

[Ronith]

This has gotten me thinking a lot lately about raising kids, I'm 18 and my g/f is 15, so by no means are we having kids anytime soon, but after seeing Chasym's new born thread and listening to my Psychology teacher talk about how he raised his kids... it really got me wondering

I mean I love his idea on raising kids it seems so well done and re-inforced... This is the over view of his idea;

Never punish the child unless it's a last resort or the action might result in harm upon the child or another, always use positive re-inforcement i.e.

When you're in the store and your kid trys to pick up something you told them not to pick up, such as let's say cereal... what do you do?

A. Smack their hands
B. Tell them no and shake your finger at them
C. Give them a positive action such as; "Well hey, why don't you help us pick out the cereal? Here which one? *points at 2 diff cereals* That one or this one?" That gives the child the chance to choose, and makes them think about which they really want, and makes them happy to help...

Or another idea from what he said;

He bought his daughter her 1st bike when she was 5 and she was always riding it, but he told her when they got it for her, that when she got her next bike that SHE would have to buy it. And when she was done riding it that it went back in the garage where they specified to put it...

He said she went a year w/o missing one time to put the bike up in the right place in the garage, he always asked her when she came in and when she did it, always said "Good job Taisha, you're such a good daughter!".

After awhile she forgot to put up her bike one night, and it was stolen from the yard, and she lost her bike...

He went to her and asked her what happened and she said that she didnt understand why they stole her bike, but why not the bikes up the street(which he said were always sitting outside), he didnt know how to answer her, but he told her "Well Taisha do you remember what I said about your second bike?" She replied "No, daddy I don't." and he said "Well y'know if you help us around the house maybe we can HELP you get another bike." And she did.

The next day she helped around the house a lot and he gave her 10$ towards her bike, and so on and so forth for the week and finally she bought her bike...

Now really she didnt buy it, but it made her think that helping and always being responsible will get a positive reward... I like my psychology teacher, great guy and seems to be a good dad.

Anyways, what's everyone think?^^

 

[alanon]

Sounds good in theory. There are times however where a child will get so completely worked up that all concept of rational though goes out the window and positive reinforcement just doesn't work. You have to think about how you are going to punish them when the time arises.

I am not and have never been against the idea of corporal punishment. I spank my daughter. I REALLY hate doing it when I do it, but sometimes it just needs to be done. However, if she doesn't KNOW that I am upset with her, then when I spank her, she thinks Im playing around and she will turn around an giggle (actually LAUGH!) at me! So a friend of mine introduced me to the concept of the "Naughty Chair"

At first I though it was all psychobabble horsecrap, but it really does work. There is a chair in my house, against a wall, in sight of everything, with the exception of the television. When Taylor acts up, I send her to the naughty chair to sit quietly. She HATES that chair with a passion! Occasionally when she is "sentenced", she wails like a tortured terrorist. It has worked wonders! Anymore, the mere suggestion of the "naughty chair", gets her right back into line.

Don't get me wrong, positive reinforcement is a good thing, but used alone, it can go bad. Kid's are smart. Eventually they will learn to play your system against you. I have found a healthy mix of the two to be best.

 

[jender]

OMG we had a naughty chair at my Grandparent's cottage near Mackinaw Island...it was the least comfortable chair in the UNIVERSE.

Good to see I wasn't the only kid tortured this way...

 

[alanon]

OMG we had a naughty chair at my Grandparent's cottage near Mackinaw Island...it was the least comfortable chair in the UNIVERSE.

Good to see I wasn't the only kid tortured this way...

Maybe I ought to rethink my strat then!

Lover like Jen = good
Daughter like Jen = Dead Al

 

[jender]

Maybe I ought to rethink my strat then!

Lover like Jen = good
Daughter like Jen = Dead Al

LOL - yeah, now we have a "nice" chair....it has never been used....:evilsmile:

 

[Shyrra]

I think Jender could redefine the meaning of the "Naughty Chair.."

lol =p

Anyways.. to the OP, I think it's a real solid idea, but like Al said, there has to be some sort of "punishment" that the child grows to hate, and they know if they really get out of line, they're going to have to suffer the consequences...

Just my thoughts =p

 

[Kiere]

He said she went a year w/o missing one time to put the bike up in the right place in the garage, he always asked her when she came in and when she did it, always said "Good job Taisha, you're such a good daughter!".

I have a HUGE problem with this statement. A child's worth should NEVER be determined by their behavior. Your daughter is always a good daughter...address the behavior..not the person. A better statement would've been "Good job Taisha, you are so responsible. I am really proud of the way you take care of your things."

As for the rest, I agree with Al...there are times when positive reinforcement doesn't work. You really need to know your child and find what's going to worst best for them. Most importantly BE CONSISTENT!

 

[Dejavu]

Personally im a fan of the old school ways of child rasing aka beating your kids into being good people. I have alot of friends that were brought up on this new age time out shit and most of them are complete and utter asses (not a bad thing when talking about friends but not the kinda kid u want). When i was young if i screwed up i got... the belt. You know what kept me from drinking when i was in middle school? Fear of getting caught. On the other hand i had a friend get a DUI at age 17. What did his parents do... They told him he couldnt go to one concert.

Do your kids a favor and beat em into being good people. They might hate you now but they will understand it later(and be better people for it).

Btw im not condoning abuse just saying a couple bruises when they do something wrong goes a long way...

 

[Kat]

I have a HUGE problem with this statement. A child's worth should NEVER be determined by their behavior. Your daughter is always a good daughter...address the behavior..not the person. A better statement would've been "Good job Taisha, you are so responsible. I am really proud of the way you take care of your things."

As for the rest, I agree with Al...there are times when positive reinforcement doesn't work. You really need to know your child and find what's going to worst best for them. Most importantly BE CONSISTENT!

Sorry I just had to requote this whole thing. Kiere, I couldn't have said any of this better myself. The bolded parts of your post I REALLY agree with.

Personally, I do not agree with hitting a child to let them know they've been bad. Hitting just begets hitting in my eyes. I think I spanked Heather on her bottom about 2 times in her whole life. Once was when she was walking the railroad tracks here in town. I do have to admit she had one helluva red bottom when I got done with her and I believe I grounded her for a month.

The last time I hit her, believe it or not she was 16. She was doin' brake torts with Michael in the car (he was only about 4-5 months old). That time I beat her ass pretty bad. I was so friggin' pissed off at her for bein' so irresponsible I literally grabbed her, threw her over my knee and preceded to beat the tar out of her ass. All in all as a 15 year old Mother, she did one helluva job. I don't know to this day what possessed her to do something like that. Anyway, after the episode was over, I grounded her from any social events for a month and she could only drive her car to the daycare, school, home again, and to work.

*Edit*
Had to change that. She was 16. She had turned 16 in August and this was around Sept. or Oct. so Michael would've been 4-5 months old. He was born in May.

Also, I want to add, when a child is small, there is nothing wrong in my eyes slapping their hands and saying "nono, please don't touch Mommies pretty" or whatever the situation may be.

 

[Westyle]

All children just need a good ass beatin.

I can't wait to beat the shit out of my kids.

 

[Kire]

simponsa has a song about this
says u need 2 things to raise kids
TV and the internet
and it works my moms house is huge she never knows where i am on who with
dads house smaller but he is out till 1am ish most days
so u dont need any more txt for this u need 2 things end off XD
maybe some love and a good family set up

 

[Kire]

Sorry I just had to requote this whole thing. Kiere, I couldn't have said any of this better myself. The bolded parts of your post I REALLY agree with.

Personally, I do not agree with hitting a child to let them know they've been bad. Hitting just begets hitting in my eyes. I think I spanked Heather on her bottom about 2 times in her whole life. Once was when she was walking the railroad tracks here in town. I do have to admit she had one helluva red bottom when I got done with her and I believe I grounded her for a month.

The last time I hit her, believe it or not she was 16. She was doin' brake torts with Michael in the car (he was only about 4-5 months old). That time I beat her ass pretty bad. I was so friggin' pissed off at her for bein' so irresponsible I literally grabbed her, threw her over my knee and preceded to beat the tar out of her ass. All in all as a 15 year old Mother, she did one helluva job. I don't know to this day what possessed her to do something like that. Anyway, after the episode was over, I grounded her from any social events for a month and she could only drive her car to the daycare, school, home again, and to work.

*Edit*
Had to change that. She was 16. She had turned 16 in August and this was around Sept. or Oct. so Michael would've been 4-5 months old. He was born in May.

Also, I want to add, when a child is small, there is nothing wrong in my eyes slapping their hands and saying "nono, please don't touch Mommies pretty" or whatever the situation may be.

dont want to know about your RL situtation did u say she is a mother at 15yrs old and she got grounded? lol if thats right i find it funny preety funny to but probally as i been out in the cold raceing for last 1/2hr XD and all hyper now

 

[Kat]

simponsa has a song about this
says u need 2 things to raise kids
TV and the internet
and it works my moms house is huge she never knows where i am on who with
dads house smaller but he is out till 1am ish most days
so u dont need any more txt for this u need 2 things end off XD
maybe some love and a good family set up

Hence why you're illiterate?

Parents should spend time with their children. If you're in the same house with your Mom and she doesn't even know what you're doin' that is NOT a good thing. Sorry, but I totally disagree.

Steve, Heather and I always ate dinner at a set hour, at the diningroom table, the TV was turned off and that was our time together after our days. We also played games with Heather, ie. Phase 10, Monopoly, Life, Sorry, Uno, Spades, Acey-Doosey (this is a twist on Backgammon), etc. Heather and Eli do the same with Michael, Alisha, and Benjamin now.

dont want to know about your RL situtation did u say she is a mother at 15yrs old and she got grounded? lol if thats right i find it funny preety funny to but probally as i been out in the cold raceing for last 1/2hr XD and all hyper now

Yes, I did. Just because she was a mother herself, she still lived under my roof and needed to follow the house rules. We were supporting her, therefore she did what she told or she got grounded. Just because you have a child yourself at 15 years old, that does not make you an automatic adult with rights. Yes, you have some, but your parents still override you while you're living under their roof.

 

[Westyle]

Ass Beatings!!!

 

[Kat]

I'd like to add one more thing Elisha and Heather do in the summertime. At first I was like wtf? But, now that I've seen the kids go thru it for a summer, I do believe it just may work. Last summer Eli and Heather literally took the TV out of the livingroom when Michael got out of school for the summer. It not only made them do more with the kids, but then the kids weren't dependent on just watching TV to get thru their days. They went outside and played. At the end of the summer, I realized it was a damn good idea.

 

[Kire]

lol i can speak and type but on forum web sites dont come first to doing my G.C.S.E CW sry so alt tab and lose my place thanks for clearing that up kat got a bit confused

 

[Westyle]

If anyone touches my TV they'll lose a finger.

 

[vang]

18 and 15? Where I live you are considered a child molestor.

Statuatory Rape gogo

 

[Areya]

yeah....

no kids for me...

 

[Arctyrael]

Kat, you sound like a twisted version of my parents. There is only one minor difference. They would never touch an MMO. Something about spending time with others and MMO's intrigues me. XD