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Greetings, pissants.
We're going to play a little game that pays homage to the "greatest joke ever told," the Aristocrats joke.
As some of you may have seen with the recent documentary release, the Aristocrats joke is a joke/game that comedians play with each other that, until recently, wasn't known outside of thier circle.
The object is to make your joke be more gross and offensive than the last and the joke must also contain these elements:
The setup: The joke always begins with a "family act" going in to see a talent agent.
* Those who meet the agent can include the whole family, or just one family member (usually the father).
* The agent asks (sometimes after saying that he's not interested, and a plea from the father) what they do.
* If the whole family is present, the act may be performed for the agent, rather than described.
The act: It is described in as much detail as the teller prefers.
* Traditionally, the description is crude, tasteless, ribald, and often scatological.
* While most tellings follow one of a few basic forms, the description of the act is meant to be an ad lib.
* It should be as far beyond the boundaries of propriety as the comedian can muster. Incest, pedophilia, scatology and bestiality are common themes.
The punchline: The agent asks what the act is called, and the answer is always the same: "The Aristocrats!"
* The punchline may be modified in some variants, but generally such variants are told only in a context where the original joke is known.
* Because the sense of what an aristocrat is has faded in many countries, the final line may simply be seen as the end of a rather bawdy joke rather than a punchline. In some regions the name of the act is "The Sophisticates" or "The Debonaires".
---------------------------------------------------------------
So, with all that in place, I shall go first.
---------------------------------------------------------------
A man and his family walk into a talent agent's office, and man says, "We're a family act, and we'd like you to represent us."
The agent says, "Sorry, we don't represent family acts. They're a little too boring for us."
The man says, "But, this is one is really greatl."
The agent says, "Okay, I'll give it a look then"
The man then waved for the rest of his family to come in. His teenage daughter being the first in line trips over the doorway, her skirt coming up when she landed revealing she wore no underwear.
The grandfather who was next in line did not see her, thus shoving his cane down into her asshole. This caused the daughter to scream loudly, yet more in ecstacy than in pain.
The youngest son was the next to come in and he then preceeded kick his grandfather in the ass, causing him to fall in a doggy style position with the daughter. The youngest son then put a black berret and ripped of all his clothes, now wearing nothing but a few chains and a spikey black leather thong. He then walked over to his dad and ripped his pants down.
The next son, who looked to be around 20, then came in and squatted over his grandfather and sister's heads. The grandfather, struggling to get up, began to unintentionally dry-hump the daughter. The son then pulled his pants down, teabagging his sister and putting his asshole in his grandfather's face. As rubbed his ass up and down his grandfather's face he began to fart repeatedly and uncontrollably.
The youngest son then started tying his father to the wall. While doing this the mother came in and began to tie rubberbands to the father's penis. She then began to stretch it as far as she could, hooking a rubberband to a plant on the other side of the room. She then pulled out a razor blade and start shaving his balls and penis.
The other son during this time has suddenly developed a bad case of diarrhea. He then shat in his grandfather's face with such a force that the grandfather was flipped onto his back. The rest of it slowly dripped on his sister's head like a waterhose that had just been turned off.
The sister, not knowing what it was, then turned over, getting a mouthful of the watery feces. She then let out a gurgly scream of horror as she quickly sat up, headbutting her brother in the balls. He squealed and then passed out, lying in an evergrowing puddle of poo.
The mother, who had now completely shaven the father, pulled off her shirt and yanked her daughter to her. They began to make out, passing the diarrhea back and forth across their tongues and rubbing it all over each other.
The youngest son then reached into his thong and pulled out a pineapple and began to spank his father with it while humping his leg, the spikes on his thong cutting it.
The grandfather then got up and began to beat the other son with his cane, creating a splatter of blood and fecal matter. He then slipped in the pool of diarrhea and hit his head on the pot of the plant in the room.
This caused the rubberband attached to the father's penis to snap back, hitting the youngest son in the face, making one of his eyes pop out. The daughter then scooped up the eye and shoved it up her pussy. The mother then kneeled down and started using he tongue to spin the eye around in its new socket.
The older son then finally awoke and sat up, shaking all the shit off him like a dog. After getting to his feet he then charged at the father and kneed him in the crotch. The father then broke free from his restraints and picked up the youngest son and used him to blugeon the oldest one.
The grandfather then got up again and stood on a desk and began masturbating while singing the theme from Grease. The daughter then ran up behind him and started eating out his ass.
As the father continued beating the sons, the mother put on a strap on. She then got behind him and started humping him. The father moaned as the older son began to give him head.
The grandfather then reached the end of the song and shot cum towards the ceiling, the daughter once again getting a facefull of shit. She fell back, landing under her mother, father, and brother.
The mother was then struck with her period as the father began to orgasm in his son's mouth and shit from the strap on. The daughter, under them, was then covered completely with blood, shit, drool, and cum.
The father, grandfather, and oldest son then jumped in line side by side. The mother and younger son then climbed up onto their shoulders. The daughter then jumped on top of the mother and young son's shoulders with her arms strecthed out and spun around, sending shit, blood, and cum all over the room.
They then all together shout "Taa-Daa!"
The man then looks at the agent and says, "Well, that's the act. What do you think?"
The agent just sits in silence for a long time. Finally, he manages, "That's one hell of an act. What do you call it?"
To which the father replies, "The Aristocrats."
We're going to play a little game that pays homage to the "greatest joke ever told," the Aristocrats joke.
As some of you may have seen with the recent documentary release, the Aristocrats joke is a joke/game that comedians play with each other that, until recently, wasn't known outside of thier circle.
Wikipedia said:
The object is to make your joke be more gross and offensive than the last and the joke must also contain these elements:
The setup: The joke always begins with a "family act" going in to see a talent agent.
* Those who meet the agent can include the whole family, or just one family member (usually the father).
* The agent asks (sometimes after saying that he's not interested, and a plea from the father) what they do.
* If the whole family is present, the act may be performed for the agent, rather than described.
The act: It is described in as much detail as the teller prefers.
* Traditionally, the description is crude, tasteless, ribald, and often scatological.
* While most tellings follow one of a few basic forms, the description of the act is meant to be an ad lib.
* It should be as far beyond the boundaries of propriety as the comedian can muster. Incest, pedophilia, scatology and bestiality are common themes.
The punchline: The agent asks what the act is called, and the answer is always the same: "The Aristocrats!"
* The punchline may be modified in some variants, but generally such variants are told only in a context where the original joke is known.
* Because the sense of what an aristocrat is has faded in many countries, the final line may simply be seen as the end of a rather bawdy joke rather than a punchline. In some regions the name of the act is "The Sophisticates" or "The Debonaires".
---------------------------------------------------------------
So, with all that in place, I shall go first.
---------------------------------------------------------------
A man and his family walk into a talent agent's office, and man says, "We're a family act, and we'd like you to represent us."
The agent says, "Sorry, we don't represent family acts. They're a little too boring for us."
The man says, "But, this is one is really greatl."
The agent says, "Okay, I'll give it a look then"
The man then waved for the rest of his family to come in. His teenage daughter being the first in line trips over the doorway, her skirt coming up when she landed revealing she wore no underwear.
The grandfather who was next in line did not see her, thus shoving his cane down into her asshole. This caused the daughter to scream loudly, yet more in ecstacy than in pain.
The youngest son was the next to come in and he then preceeded kick his grandfather in the ass, causing him to fall in a doggy style position with the daughter. The youngest son then put a black berret and ripped of all his clothes, now wearing nothing but a few chains and a spikey black leather thong. He then walked over to his dad and ripped his pants down.
The next son, who looked to be around 20, then came in and squatted over his grandfather and sister's heads. The grandfather, struggling to get up, began to unintentionally dry-hump the daughter. The son then pulled his pants down, teabagging his sister and putting his asshole in his grandfather's face. As rubbed his ass up and down his grandfather's face he began to fart repeatedly and uncontrollably.
The youngest son then started tying his father to the wall. While doing this the mother came in and began to tie rubberbands to the father's penis. She then began to stretch it as far as she could, hooking a rubberband to a plant on the other side of the room. She then pulled out a razor blade and start shaving his balls and penis.
The other son during this time has suddenly developed a bad case of diarrhea. He then shat in his grandfather's face with such a force that the grandfather was flipped onto his back. The rest of it slowly dripped on his sister's head like a waterhose that had just been turned off.
The sister, not knowing what it was, then turned over, getting a mouthful of the watery feces. She then let out a gurgly scream of horror as she quickly sat up, headbutting her brother in the balls. He squealed and then passed out, lying in an evergrowing puddle of poo.
The mother, who had now completely shaven the father, pulled off her shirt and yanked her daughter to her. They began to make out, passing the diarrhea back and forth across their tongues and rubbing it all over each other.
The youngest son then reached into his thong and pulled out a pineapple and began to spank his father with it while humping his leg, the spikes on his thong cutting it.
The grandfather then got up and began to beat the other son with his cane, creating a splatter of blood and fecal matter. He then slipped in the pool of diarrhea and hit his head on the pot of the plant in the room.
This caused the rubberband attached to the father's penis to snap back, hitting the youngest son in the face, making one of his eyes pop out. The daughter then scooped up the eye and shoved it up her pussy. The mother then kneeled down and started using he tongue to spin the eye around in its new socket.
The older son then finally awoke and sat up, shaking all the shit off him like a dog. After getting to his feet he then charged at the father and kneed him in the crotch. The father then broke free from his restraints and picked up the youngest son and used him to blugeon the oldest one.
The grandfather then got up again and stood on a desk and began masturbating while singing the theme from Grease. The daughter then ran up behind him and started eating out his ass.
As the father continued beating the sons, the mother put on a strap on. She then got behind him and started humping him. The father moaned as the older son began to give him head.
The grandfather then reached the end of the song and shot cum towards the ceiling, the daughter once again getting a facefull of shit. She fell back, landing under her mother, father, and brother.
The mother was then struck with her period as the father began to orgasm in his son's mouth and shit from the strap on. The daughter, under them, was then covered completely with blood, shit, drool, and cum.
The father, grandfather, and oldest son then jumped in line side by side. The mother and younger son then climbed up onto their shoulders. The daughter then jumped on top of the mother and young son's shoulders with her arms strecthed out and spun around, sending shit, blood, and cum all over the room.
They then all together shout "Taa-Daa!"
The man then looks at the agent and says, "Well, that's the act. What do you think?"
The agent just sits in silence for a long time. Finally, he manages, "That's one hell of an act. What do you call it?"
To which the father replies, "The Aristocrats."
