What is your favorite joke?

Halifirien

Halifirien

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Halifirien
One of my regular blog reads posted the question, "What is your favorite joke?" and I thought it might be fun to find out what makes QCDN people laugh.

My favorite -- which has made me smile since I was but a wee slip of a lad:

"Two guys walk into a bar. (beat) The second one probably should've ducked."
 
I've heard that one a bit differently, but like your version better.. made me giggle! ^.^:biggrin: :biggrin:
 
Too rude for this board. >.>


One of the more tame ones.

Works best when spoken

"Have you heard about the michael jackson blackmail alegations?"

~Wait~

"Apparently he used to be one!"
 
3 brothers on there pushbikes names shit,fuck off, manners.

Shit falls of his push bike and manners gets off to help him up. Fuck off goes around the corner hits into a policeman and he asks "whats your name son" fuck off then says "fuck off" the policeman seems anoyed and asks where this kids manners where and fuck off said "around the corner picking up shit"
 
A man was speeding down the road at 80 mph when he looked in his rear view mirror and saw a Texas Highway Patrol car coming with its lights flashing and siren blaring.

Thinking That he could out run the trooper, the man speeded up to 100 mph. Suddenly, he realized his foolishness and pulled over to the side of the road and stopped.

The trooper pulled up, walked up to the car and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes and it's Friday. If you can give me a good reason why you were speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The man looked at the trooper and said,
"Last week my wife ran off with a State Trooper and I thought you were bringing her back."
The trooper replied, "Have a nice day."
 
It's old and racist but i laugh everytime i hear it.

"What do you do when you see a black man hopping on one foot?"
wait...

Stop laughing and reload.
 
What is an Elephant's Sexual Organ?

It's foot, cuz if it steps on you, you're fucked.
 
Moriki said:
Too rude for this board. >.>


One of the more tame ones.

Works best when spoken

"Have you heard about the michael jackson blackmail alegations?"

~Wait~

"Apparently he used to be one!"
Click to expand...

Reminds me of an old favorite.

Did you hear Michael Jackson is coming to Pennsylvania (I live in Pittsburgh).

Wait...

Yea, he's coming to Dubois (Pronounced "Do Boys")

Laughing insues
 
What do Michael Jackson and McDonalds have in common?

20 year old meet inbetween 10 year old buns.
 
A bit racy for the board, but, what the hell.

Walk up to somoene and say "I'm going to kill 1000 jews and one clown"

When they ask "Why one clown?"

You say, "See, nobody cares about the jews."
 
Paddy and murphy were throwing stones at the floor

...

Paddy missed
 
So a dislexic guy walks into a bra.
 
The most dangerous thing in the world is a Second Lieutenant with a map and a compass.

Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.
Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.
Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.
Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.
 
A lonely widdow places an add on the paper:
I'm looking for a man (lfp?? jk) who will:
1- Not hit me
2- Will not run away from me
3- Be awesome in bed.

So the next day, her doorbell rings, she opens the door, and much to her amazement, there's a man on a wheelchair, with no legs or no arms to him.

He sayes he's there cause of the add, and she just looks at him, waiting for an explanation, when he finally sayes:

"Listen lady, i have no arms, so i won't hurt/hit you. And i have no legs, so i won't run away from you."

She then reply's "how are you in bed???"

He promptly sayes "how do you think i rang the doorbell?"
 
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