Bad Jokes

How can you tell if your wife is dead?
Spoiler:
The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.
 
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What's orange and sounds like a parrot?

Spoiler:
A carrot
 
Jesus that was bad, here's an even worse one:

Why do pigs make good spies?

Spoiler:
They're excellent at going in-hog-nito.
 
I went to a fight the other night...

Spoiler:
A hockey game broke out.
 
What are three words you dread the most while making love?
Spoiler:
"Honey, I'm home."
 
Everyone stuff it and post bad jokes -_-

Why is 6 afraid of 7?

Spoiler:
Because 7 8 9!


:dur:
 
Why is 6 afraid of 7?

Spoiler:
It isn't. Numbers actually are not sentient beings and as such they are incapable of emotions such as fear.
 
dramallamawp9.jpg
 
What's worse than nine dogs nailed to one tree?

Spoiler:
One dog nailed to nine trees.


I prefer it this way over babies, purely for the Mike Vick effect. Princemercury actually beat me to this because of the posting restriction. No idea how it appears before his post... >.<
 
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What's the difference between unloading a truck full of bowling balls, and unloading a truck full of dead dogs?

Spoiler:
You can't unload a truck full of bowling balls with a pitchfork.
 
Rappa said:
What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza?

Spoiler:
A Jew is a person adhering to the Jewish faith. A pizza is an oven-baked, flat, usually circular bread covered with tomato sauce and cheese with optional garnishes.
Click to expand...

Spoiler:
A pizza doesn't scream in the oven.
 
So this string walks into a bar. He says to the bartender "HEy, can I have a rum and coke"?
The bartender says "Sorry arent you a piece of string?"
The string replies "Yes"
Bartender says we dont serve your type here.

So the string leaves, ties him self up and comes back in the bar.

And again he askes for his drink, Bartender says hey arent you that piece of string?

String says" No im a frayed knot"
 
What do fish say when they hit a concrete wall?

Spoiler:
Dam!


Where was the Declaration of Indepence signed?

Spoiler:
At the bottom


What happens when an elephant steps on a grape?

Spoiler:
It lets out a little whine
 
What's the best thing about rooting a 12 year old girl?
Spoiler:
Turn her over, and you have a 12 year old boy.
 
Why did Dracula go to the doctor?

Spoiler:
Because of his coffin.
 
I always remembered this one from Pulp Fiction:

So a Mama tomato, a Papa tomato and a baby tomato are walking down the street. The baby tomato keeps falling behind so the papa tomato goes back to the baby tomato, punches him and says "Catch up."

I think that's how it went anyways >.>
 
A blind man walked into a bank with his seeing-eye dog that guided him everywhere. He walked into the center of the bank floor, took the dog by the chain, and started swinging him around his head.

Everyone stopped what they were doing and stared. The other customers were taken aback and some were very upset at the way the animal was being treated. One of the tellers ran up to the blind man and asked, "Sir, what are you doing!?!"

The man turned toward the teller and said, "Oh, nothing - just looking around."
 
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