Suffering from Heartbreak

I remember hearing a theory that getting over a relationship can last half as long as the relationship itself did. Personally, I think it's different for everyone because we're all geared different ways... some people fixate and need to dive head first into their grief and others distract themselves. It just depends.

A long time ago I was in a relationship that had a bad ending and I was devastated. I actually did take the advice some have given and move away... FAR away. Still, I'd have vivid dreams/nightmares that this person was sleeping next to me and I'd wake up and they weren't and it would be like losing them all over again. I couldn't listen to the radio because it was masochistic. It seemed like everywhere I looked, no matter where I was or what I did, there was something to make me think of him or what I'd lost. I went through a very rough patch of time when I thought that I was never going to feel like myself again. It was emotional and depressing and one of the most difficult things I've ever had to endure.

So coming from experience, I can tell you these things for sure. Time heals all wounds. It sounds cliche and grossly simplified, but it is true. You will always feel pain or sadness anytime you lose someone you love, and to a degree, when you genuinely love them, you always will. But that sharp, aching, raw pain you're feeling now will diminish on its own over time. Routine will be your friend for a while. There's something comforting in consistency when your life has been tossed into uncertainty, at least I felt that way. Do the things you always did... go to work/class, go out with friends, spend time doing things you enjoy. Along those lines, fight the urge to become reclusive. It's so easy to want to go full blast emo when you've gone through a breakup and just play sad music and stay home all the time feeling crappy. But it's so important to keep waking up and going out and leaving yourself open to meeting new people and exploring new possibilities. You're hurting and you're not thinking about the future, but someone or something incredible could be out there right now, and you don't want to miss it because you were blinded by the past.

More than anything, believe that someday you will be back to your normal self. I know it doesn't feel that way right now, but I promise you'll get there. Lean on your friends and family, respect what you need to do for yourself (cry, grieve, be angry) and just keep on keeping on. Things will get better in time, I promise you. Take care of yourself.
 
O.o is that how long it took you to get over giving me cookies daily zyn? O.o lol j/k.

Ant i know what you are going through, that girl aint right for doing that stuff to you, as i said before.
 
Zyndara said:
You're hurting and you're not thinking about the future, but someone or something incredible could be out there right now, and you don't want to miss it because you were blinded by the past.
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I agree with all of Zyndara's post but just wanted to highlight on this. You really could be missing out on a special someone if you dwell too long.
 
From what I gather, depends on the kinda person you are and how deeply you feel for the person. *shrugs* as for when... I don't know... hasn't stopped yet for me. And it's been about a year or so :\ it'd help if the person actually gave me a damn answer to why or any of my questions but damn vague son of a.. grr.. anyways.. ya.. hope you feel better Anttaru. You're such a nice person.
 
That ex should be gangrene to you, cut that appendage off.

As you said, best you can do is press forward.

Your "healing" will come with time, residual memories will be everlasting though.

Perhaps over time you'll desensitize somewhat to them.

Just press forth and enjoy life and what it has to offer.

I'd really only go for a rebound chick if she's up for the same "fun" you might want, and you can separate love from lusting.

Don't use a rebound to prop yourself up and push her down, if you do go that route.

Heartache is a bitch, but you can always BBT it. ;)

fuckout.gif


- Lec
 
Thanks for providing some feed back everyone. Usually i'm never this soft, but it came to a point where i was interested to see what feedback i would obtain from making a thread about it, here of all places, and it turned out very well. Past two days it hasn't been bothering me so much. So many views on the matter, i really feel better. As a matter of fact i was actually laughing today.

Tomorrow i'm going on a trip to Ottawa with my best friends family to see his other family. I'm also the God Father of his daughter. It's about his newborn daughter seeing the family. I'll also be seeing his cousin, who liked me alot when she stayed with them for a few monthes. Respectively back then i did not try to get with her because she was the tender age of 15 and i was 3 years older. That, and she was under a very tight safe gard by my buds Mother who watched us like a hawk and kept her near at all times.

Reflecting on what was said in this thread about moving foward, it does make sense for me to carry a present for Elane.

On the most part i won't expect anything to come out of it, she can be with someone for all i know, and she might be, she is very pretty, nicer than my recient. All i wanted was an average woman like what i just had. Being with a woman that is too foxy has proven to be publically unpleasant to me. Having to deal with bad men rolling with their crew trying to play superstar player with my mate. It still happens with a woman labeled average looker, but not as much.

They all tell me how she perks up everytime my name is mentioned. If all is well i'll do what i can to see her, dispite the 5 hour road trip. This is in no way me tossing aside my true feelings and using another. If i have no interest in Elane but a chance, i won't even allow a spark cause that will eventually entrap me and drag me down, down, down.

On the lighter side of things, if she brings me joy (and if so let her be single and interested), i will be a fool to remain suspended in my current state. It's wise to hope for her availability even though i can be setting myself up. I don't want to end up not seeking is all. Been dealing with this shit for 5 monthes now, and i'm tired of the constant mental stress and seemingly physical pain this is causing in my solar plexus and lower rear inner rib cage area when i think about it.

I've been broken twice before but it's never been like this. This time i suffer from great loss.

Revenge is sweet, but i know if i seek revenge, or even worse achieve it. I will most likely be living in the past which pretty much is tormenting me now. When i do find a new woman it would be best to keep it a secret from my ex. I would be too interested in what she thinks about it, wanting to know if she would be jealous which would make me happy at this point in time, or if she wouldn't give a damn which again, would be uppsetting at this point in time. Either way it would trap me and not a damn thing would change.

Again thanks to those who offerd advice and, thanks to those who shared how they survived their screwed up relationships. After reading what happened to Chasym's ex with the getting divorced and showing up a million hours later. I don't see me suffering that much. She must have been completely total'd. But i will if i don't start making contacts.

I dislike being seen as this, and being in such a fragile state, because it can make one appear very whinny, which easily becomes bloody annoying then eventually depressing for those who tried to assist me. Seeking further help i think would be destructive cause i think now i'm strong enough.

For shits and giggles i'll write a post about my encounter with Elane. Most likely i'll be taking a nose dive. If that is so, atlease i'll earn some charm points v.v
 
Tok said:
Quoted for emphasis on truth

I know that if me and fiance broke up for some reason down the line i would be crushed

I dont know if i COULD get over it, or if even wanted to

if u find true love there isnt anyone that can replace him/her after some shit goes down

thats just my opinion tho
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you guys wanna know something kinda funny? a week or so later, we're on the brink of breaking up =(
 
Well talk to your fiance... don't let it die, I mean, surely if there's love on both sides things can be worked out.
 
i dont mean to steal your thunder ant but im goin through the same thing, i know how much it hurts
 
Tok said:
i dont mean to steal your thunder ant but im goin through the same thing, i know how much it hurts
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It's ok for anyone to write about their busted relationships here. We might be able to humor one another or something.
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I returned from my weekend vacation, and seen Elane while i was there.

1st i'd like to mention. Ottawa and Quebec is very nice. Everyone there is so friendly, you can talk to just about anyone. 2nd, The girls over there are so different from Toronto girls. The 1st 5 hours we were at the Hotel, there was 5 contacts made with strange girls we don't even know. The first 2 girls invited us to join them by the pool. Things like that rarely happen in this part of Canada.

Jazz Festaval was just down the street, still going on now as i write this post.

Long story short, Elane joins us at my friends family gathering, then makes plans to take us out to the Jazz Festaval.

So we go back to the Hotel, get ready, return to the car. Then she suggested we go drinking. So plans for the Jazz festaval has been cancelled.
5 of us in a Pontiac sunfire which seats 5 people. Elanes brother was driving. Elane calls one of her girl friends to join us. We don't even know this girl and she's on our laps within minutes soon as we picked her up at her place.

I don't even want to mention the kind of things that were said in the car, regarding the Elanes past, what she did to her 40 year old ex boyfriend disgusted me.

We went to the Whisky Night club later on that night and ofcoarse the girls wanted to hit the dance floor. We let them go and we went to the bar and got totally intoxacated. Over $200 worth of drinking materals, plus we were charming the cute Bartenderess behind the counter. I'm looking over at the dancefloor and i see a mess of people dancing, i also see a hot chick looking at me. I look down the bar, i see more hot chicks passing glances. Not that any of this is what i'm looking for it was very theraputic. That night i made more contacts than i can remember. Elane also made a contact and dragged him outside to the smoking section where my friend and i were. Neither Elane or the new guy smokes. Whatever was really happening here, i never gave a damn.
Long story short, buy the time we left the club, we were waving and hugging so many girls we met that night and left Elane and her friend in the club.

Her brother ran back to his place which was down the street to get his car. He ramaind sober and saved us the trouble of taking a cab. Elane called her brothers cell and we then said goodbye to one another. i wished her a good time, and she told me nothing happened between her and that guy.

Another long story short, that last time i spoke to my ex, i mentioned this trip i was going on. While we were close to home on the drive back, suposidly i was asleep in the car seat and my ex calls my buddys cell.

Then right now he tells me how she called and left a messege. But then the guy deleted it so i cannot hear what she said.

I had a good time, and now that i'm back in Town, already my ex is tampering with my circle. If i have to i'll request she keeps a distance from me and my people. I'm trying to move on here and i feeling good about it.
 
ur lucky, i dont even know if ill ever see her again

she needs "breathing room"... i guess its wrong to want to build my future with her in it, it feels like we were yanked so far apart it feels awkward to even tell her i love her now

i dont know what to do
 
You can walk now?! Wow, did he show that avatar to BBT?
 
Where the fuck is my rate up for my jesus power?

I made you walk and all i got is this stupid T-shirt(lol)

Ant it sounds like your doing it right, keep your head off the Ex and meet girls. Trust me, theres more than one girl in the world capable of making you happy buddy.
 
the only girl that will make you truly happy and never hurt you in palmela.
 
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